Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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