If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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