why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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