guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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