Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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