A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
