he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
