He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
