he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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