dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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