Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
