i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Randomize
