There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
