i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
