Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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