Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
