im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
