I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
