And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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