i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
try to milk me bitch
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
