You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
