...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
