New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
