i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
