Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
