I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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