Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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