i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
