How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
