note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
