Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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