If i come over, it means nothing
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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