Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
