I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
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I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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