Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
