I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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