the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
