Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
