Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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