So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
