I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
