You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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