that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
