She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
