So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
