I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
