ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
