I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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