Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
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It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
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I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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