Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
