Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
