I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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