thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
