This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
