my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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