tell your sister to shave her snatch
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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