So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
