You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
