is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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