Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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