she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
