I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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