i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
