i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
