Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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