While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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