I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
