Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
