Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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