Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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