There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
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Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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