Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
