I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
