its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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